Writer's Workshop: A Parfait With No Nuts

4.) Relay an interesting conversation you recently had with someone that may or may not involve creating a Loch Ness Monster Theme Park.

Allow me to refresh your memories. Lolo is the sister who is two years older than me. Baby is the sister who is four years younger than me. Handyman is married to Lolo. He and I are like Mike and Carol Seaver. We give each other a lot of crap...all in jest...but when we have to be serious we can. If you ever meet him...just...he really likes his back rubbed. It's important that when you talk to him you continuously rub his back and call him "babe". He likes that.

Handyman: Ok I'm headin out to pick up ice cream for the kids...you guys want anything from DQ?

Lolo: I'll have an oreo blizzard.

Baby: Mmmmm....I'll take a Heath one!

Me: Uhhh...how about a Peanut Buster Parfait...minus the nuts.

Handyman: Ok so oreo and Heath Blizzards and a Peanut Buster Parfait...without the nuts?

Me: Yeah. No nuts.

Handyman: No nuts?? Really???

Me: No nuts.

Handyman: You don't like nuts?

Me: Not on my Peanut Buster Parfait.

Handyman: But isn't that the whole point?? I mean...nuts are IN the title!

Me: I know, but I don't like them.

Handyman: Who do you think you're fooling with that??

Me: What?

Handyman: By getting a Peanut Buster Parfait with no nuts.....you're basically just getting a giant hot fudge sundae.

Me: Noooooooooooo....I'm getting a giant Par-fait.

Handyman: You're getting a giant sundae and you're a girl and you're too embarrassed to just say "Hey pick me up a giant hot fudge sundae".

Me: I'm getting a parfait with no nuts.

Handyman: Are the regular sized sundaes too small for you?

Me: I'm getting a parfait with no nuts.

Handyman: Are the regular sized sundaes not filling?

Me: I'm getting a parfait with no nuts.

Handyman: Do the regular sized sundaes taste different?

Me: I'm getting a parfait with no nuts.

Handyman: You know I have you totally figured out right?

Me: Just get me a parfait with no nuts.

Handyman: I will get you your giant sundae, but I want you to know that I know exactly what you're up to. You might think you're fooling everyone else...but you're not fooling me.

Me: It's not a giant sundae...it's a parfait.

Now it's your turn!

Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back and sign Mr. Linky. For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!

The Prompts:

1.) Mother's guilt...tell us what happened.

2.) Write five "Incredibly Short Books". Some examples:

"Chemical Contraception Choices for Catholic Couples"
"Teenage U.S. Presidents"
"The Book of Female Popes"
"The 2008 Book of General Motors Profits"

Dan says, "The point is that the book is of zero size since the title is a contradiction with reality."

3.) I'll be happy when ________________.

4.) Relay an interesting conversation you recently had with someone that may or may not involve creating a Loch Ness Monster Theme Park.

5.) Show us something you made!

Kathy Joins Us From Heaven Via Skype

I think I'm going to map out a blue print for my own funeral. I told Baby about this a little over the weekend...I want to make it impossible for anyone to cry. So I was thinking if I script everything from the beginning to the end...meaning I write the eulogy, I decide who reads it, I pick the music and flowers and casket and what not. And seeing as I already wrote my own obituary:

(We were blessed. If only she could have lived forever. Timeless. Like her beauty. She made us laugh with her quick wit...she charmed us with her easy smile...she enchanted us with her thoughtful thoughts...damn we're really gonna miss her. So what's for dinner???)

I figure I may as well add some things to the agenda now.

I would like my casket to be black with hot pink polk a dots in honor of my blog. My little shout out to you all.

I want complete and utter silence and heads bowed deep in thought and prayer as this song is played:

I would like all the women to wear those hats you wear to watch the horse races...

because I've always wanted to wear a hat like that to the horse races in true Pretty Woman fashion, so it only makes sense that as a dying wish I might want people to do that.

I would like Pat to wear the Hat Of Sadness that I found on Etsy too long ago.
I would like a pre recorded video of myself smiling and waving at various people in the church playing on a large screen throughout the service with a caption that reads "Kathy joins us from Heaven via Skype".

That's all I can think of right now.

Hmmm.

That was sobering.

I don't wanna die.

Why are you guys so morbid?

Your Assignment, Should You Choose To Accept

Directions:
For you newbies it's never to late to jump in!! Here is what you must do. Choose a prompt that inspires you most. Write. Come back Thursday and paste your blog URL into the Mister Linky that will be up...this way anyone can click on your name and head over to your place to see what you wrote.

Feel free to write on more than one prompt if you so desire. I do it all the time, but it's my game...and I don't know how to shut-up...so it should be expected. And remember the more comment love you give, the more comment love you get so comment comment away.

The Prompts:

1.) Mother's guilt...tell us what happened.
(inspired by Lolli)

2.) Write five "Incredibly Short Books". Some examples:

"Chemical Contraception Choices for Catholic Couples"
"Teenage U.S. Presidents"
"The Book of Female Popes"
"The 2008 Book of General Motors Profits"

Dan says, "The point is that the book is of zero size since the title is a contradiction with reality."
(inspired by Dan)

3.) I'll be happy when ________________.
(inspired by Tracy P.)

4.) Relay an interesting conversation you recently had with someone that may or may not involve creating a Loch Ness Monster Theme Park.
(inspired by Jen)

5.) Show us something you made!
(inspired by Janis)



Which one will YOU choose??

...pop over and say hi to the inspiration behind the prompt you're going to choose! I love using your posts as inspiration...without them we'd just be blogging about our top ten complaints each week. I'm really good at that.

The Bachelorette: They Say Love Don't Come Easy

Every season of the bachelor/ette the producers think it's fun to throw in a handful of losers. Usually the losers stick around for four or five episodes before the chooser wises up and denies the gift of the beloved rose. And every episode that the loser stays on the show, us viewers throw things at the tv screen because we canNOT believe the bachelor can't see what morons they are.

The loser this season is Wes. He hurts my eyes. Apparently he has told a couple guys he has a girlfriend (laurel), (an accusation that has yet to be aired) AND he has confessed that he is only on the show to promote his country album that's coming out. Gag. He's sung his one hit wonder more times than I care to recall...and by "song" I mean he sings, "They say love don't come easy" about 30 times per episode and Jillian. Just. Swoooooooons. He's a big fat liar and she has no clue.

Many men have tried to warn her about Wes. Jake missed his rose last season, but came flying back on his jet plane to warn Jillian about Wes's supposed girlfriend. Jillian keeps having "talks" with Wes about his intentions and "girlfriend" and Wes, with his country boy accent, has had about enough saying something like

"I'm not gonna have this conversation again. I already tolldjyou that". In ten years Wes will be a beer drinking, cotton picking, wife beater wearing wife beater. We're just hoping that wife is not Jillian. Laurel can have him.

Unfortunately Jillian is not making this easy on herself. She breaks down, she doesn't know who to believe, she doesn't want to make the wrong decisions and she can't TAKE any more surprises.



Cue the lights.

Ed...the guy who left the show because he had to go back to work...came back. He begged Jillian to let him back on the show and she did. I was glad to see this progression because it meant Jillian had to ask two guys to leave instead of one which just increased the odds of her giving Wes the boot.

And by "boot" I mean "rose" because that's exactly what she gave him. She said goodbye to two of the only guys I actually liked. It's no wonder Jillian has had such a hard time keeping a guy around. She's proven her intuitive judge of character is slightly skewed.

And as much of a liar Wes is...and as much as we all hate him...there is one point Wes has made that does ring true, "they say love don't come easy"...and it sure don't.



The remaining men:

Ed.


Kyptyn.


Wes.


Reid.


Did you write about the Bachelorette??

Link up buttercup.

Anyone Need A Snakey Thing??

When I told my Mom we were having a garage sale on Sunday she smiled in that sweet, knowing way that mother's smile when they know something sucks, but they know you're going to do it anyways because you need to experience it sucking firsthand.

"Hmmmm." she says, "Good luck with that."

And then she walked away muttering something under her breath.

So Pat took the day off on Friday and literally spent the ENTIRE day pricing out his collectibles and organizing the sale. Cribs, strollers, toys, glassware, fine china, toys, high chairs, baby swings, papasaan chairs, baseball cards, posters, baby slings, books, etc., etc., etc.,

Saturday morning I was supposed to take Aries to a meet and greet so that he could find someone to adopt him, but after realizing how much work was left to be done...and how much I did not want to handle my three kids and a dog at the Farmer's Market for the day...I decided to stay and help out.

I turned the kids' rooms upside down to sort out there old toys in order to sell the things they're no longer interested in. I went through every room in the house and did the same. And then spent the afternoon in conversations like this one:

lady: HOW MUCH FOR THIS SNAKEY THING



me: First of all it's a dinosaur. Second of all 5 dollars.

lady: WHERE THE BALLS AT!?!?!

me: Hmmm...I don't know probably lost which is why I'm selling the stupid thing.

lady: WELL I MEAN WHAT KIND OF BALLS DO I GET IF I WANT BALLS FOR IT???

me: First of all I'm pretty sure you do have balls considering the tone you're choosing to take with me right now. Second by the looks of it any ball smaller than that ball hole should work just fine Einstein.

lady: Hmmph.

me: Hmmph your head.

After all is said and done, we spent hours of our time tearing our house apart, organizing chaos in our garage, haggling with strangers, juggling children, and breaking our backs moving furniture and boxes for...

...wait for it....

70 bucks.

And we just ate fifty of that for dinner tonight.

Our garage is still filled with crap. Our house is disturbingly messy after being over turned in a desperate search to add more to the sale. And my back is throbbing

Never.

Again.

Instead, I anticipate with great joy the moment when Mama Maile (or Kainoa or Laina) shares with me that she and her husband are planning a garage sale. I will look at her and smile in that sweet, knowing way that mother's smile when they know something sucks, but they know you're going to do it anyways because you need to experience it sucking firsthand.

"Hmmmm." I'll say, "Good luck with that."

And then I'll walk away muttering something under my breath.

It's The BIG 3-0!!!!! (*cough* and a half *cough cough*)

That's right I said it.

A lot of you know this, but I'm going to repeat myself every year for the rest of my Blog Life. June 26th is my half birthday!!!

My ACTUAL birthday is December 26th...but Jesus stole my thunder and Mom decided to move my birthday to JUNE 26th. My whole life I've gotten a nod and a raised eyebrow in December and a cake and balloons in June.

Fun right!?!

Celebrating in June meant people didn't have to buy me extra presents, Mom wouldn't have to worry about planning a party around Christmas time, and I wouldn't get shafted by people who would give me one present for both occasions. Scrooges.

Things got sticky when my 16th and 21st and 30th birthdays came along because those are birthdays that you want to celebrate THAT day. So that's we've done. I can't tell you how many times I've managed to squeeze in TWO birthdays a year.

We celebrated my 30th six months ago and I had so much fun that I'm insisting my family come together for the SAME celebration in June. I think I'm going to keep this up every year just as an excuse to get everyone together and have a good time.

That being said it really does...with all due respect...I cannot BELIEVE Michael Jackson had to die the day before my birthday. Here we went and moved my birthday from being overshadowed by Jesus's...and now. for the rest of my life. I will live in the shadow of Michael Jackson.

I have a serious case of Middle Child Jan Brady Syndrome and THIS is NOT helping.

Sigh.

What's that old adage?? If you can't beat em join em?

Here you go Michael. It's all about you.

My biggest fear is that you will think I was serious in that video....please. Just don't.

The Way He Makes Me Feel

I'm a little confused as to what I'm supposed to be feeling for the loss of Michael Jackson. I think it goes without saying that I feel horrible for his kids. But as far as The World is concerned? I find it incredibly ironic that the same people who have been slamming him for the past ten years are now mourning the loss of a legend. We've been adoring and ruthless in the same breath.

I think I'm sad??

Because dang he made some good music.

But dang he got weird. A grown man having little boy sleep overs at his very own Peter Pan amusement park? It's a little weird.

Did we create that? We the fans, the media, the paparazzi, the comedians....how much can one person take? Did we force him to kind of snap? Or were the makings already there? I don't know.

What I do know is that that man was a musical genius and I'm going to miss his music.

Wait.

His music will be here forever.

I don't know...I told you I'm confused...it just sucks man...why do people gotta die and stuff?



My favorite Michael song:

And finally, my family does Michael right at my cousins wedding last year...the little lady in the back? Yeah that's my mom. The other weirdo? My sister Baby...and the handsome fella is my brother in law Handyman.